a big update

wow! i am never on here anymore and that is just sad. i blame my battery on my computer though. it has to stay plugged in all the time so it makes being able to just sit and open while watching a toddler a little difficult. plus it stays in my bedroom and that is a room i barely go into during the day. enough about that. i have big news and although i know my only readers are my friends who follow me on instagram and facebook, so they already know my big announcement, i feel like i just need to make it sound like you haven't heard the news yet... I'M PREGNANT!!!! IT'S A BOY!!!!!!! HIS NAME IS LAWSON LEE PREVOST!!!!!

now that that is covered i feel like i need to share some details up until now... i found out on June 30. it was my second test and the first was negative but i really felt like i was so i just waited a few more days and sure enough! pete was gone so i called him with the news and he was floored. we were both so shocked and excited! we moved and i was pregnant. not the best time to move but i am so thankful for our new home. i never got sick like i did with bennet but omg the tiredness! i was beyond exhausted and took naps while b napped and just had barely any energy. i felt guilty and lazy so it was tough but i also reminded myself as did pete, that my body was growing a human. my house is coming along. there is still a lot to do but i don't feel rushed anymore. we still need to purchase some furniture and paint like every room but we will get there...someday ;) i wanted a boy so so so bad! when i was pregnant with bennet i thought for sure she was a boy. when they said "girl!" i was shocked. i was so excited but i also felt like i didn't know my body. it was a silly feeling and i blame the crazy hormones but still it kinda affected me with this pregnancy. i had a feeling it was a boy pretty much the whole time but would never say it. i didn't want to have that feeling again. and i was of course okay with whatever we would have but still this longing for a little baby boy was so deep. don't get me wrong, bennet is my dream. she is more then i could ever hope for. she is my life and my little love. but she is a total daddy's girl. like for real. i am not sad about it because she has a pretty great daddy and he isn't here a lot so i totally understand the infatuation with him. so all that said, i need a momma's boy. i already warned pete to stay away (just kidding of course). we found out it was a little man on October 9. we had the ultrasound, which is a couple buildings down from my midwife office, then went over to see the midwives. the lady who did the ultrasound wasn't too talkative and waited a while to finally tell us but when she first started i thought i saw a little dinkis. i didn't say anything cus once again i didn't want to be wrong. then she said the heartbeat was 147. bennet's was always like 155 or higher so that was another reason why i thought boy. bennet was waiting so patiently and kept looking at the screen saying "aww the baby" she says Lawson really well so we kept telling her they would let us know soon if it was a baby Lawson or a baby _______ (not telling our girls name cus we may want to use it in the future). she finally said "it's a boy! see it right here?" i just looked at pete in shock and started tearing up. that moment is so exciting! after we headed over to my midwife. pete and bennet stayed in the car and got coffee while i went in. she was so good but wasn't gonna make it through another doctor appt. the midwife informed me my placenta is down so we will have to watch that. i am praying it moves and i know this is very common. i want to have a vaginal birth again so bad so i just want everything to work out. she also informed me that there was a spot on the ultrasound with his heart. it is called something but i can't remember the name. basically its a sign of down syndrome or some other genetic problem. if i sound really calm it's bc i am. we are both really at peace with this. with bennet we were told the spacing of her toes were wrong and that she might have downs and we freaked out. we didn't understand what they were saying and had to wait 5 weeks to get another ultrasound done. when we walked in they were like "she is fine!" now i know its a big difference between toes and heart but we are really okay. we are just praying it heals and that he will be healthy. i feel like i am just gonna be told something is wrong with every pregnancy i have and that's okay. i am not gonna worry like we did with bennet. plus my midwife told me she sees this like 10 times a week and in most cases with downs there are other markers. this is just one thing. she told me nothing to worry about. so we go back in 5 weeks and we get to do another ultrasound. they want to keep checking the heart and placenta out. the nice thing about being told something like that is we get to see him on the ultrasound a lot more then normal pregnancies. we are already so in love with him. Lawson was pete's great grandpa and Lee was his grandpa. Pete's great grandma Lottie is still living (101!!) so it was such a special moment to be able to call and tell her we were using Lawson's name. she got choked up and so did we. it is a moment i will never forget. so there is the update. if you made it through all that. i am gonna do a pregnancy post every week (well i am gonna try at least) right now i am 19 weeks so i will probably start at 20. i need to make sure to write this down because if i don't i will feel horrible. i wrote down so much with bennet so i don't want lawson to feel left out.

~m